Have you ever really stopped, sat down and taken a hard…long look at your life? Well, two years ago I had not. At that time in my life, I had thoughts that I should be doing bigger and better things. But I never did anything other than what I considered “safe.” I think I’m finally starting to realize that some risks just have to be taken.
When I was a little girl I dreamed of living some sort of amazing life, filled with love, and of course the fairy tale ending. Like most young girls, I wanted the big wedding and to be swept off my feet by an amazing man who would give me my happily ever after. But my story did not go as planned. My dreams ended about two years ago in August 2012.
Life happens. Isn’t that a quote we’ve all heard? Well, life happened to me. It stuck its cold fingers deep into my chest and ripped my heart out without even blinking an eye. Luckily though, I think it was trying to teach me some sort of lesson. So “life” left my heart in a jar, and put it on an end table next to my front door. After a few years of clawing and crawling, I made it to that table and have found the piece of me that’s been missing. I wish I had a better story to tell you, maybe something crazy about how I traveled the world and experienced all these amazing feats. But mostly it’s about heart-break, building stronger relationships, and self-growth.
In 2012 I separated from husband, and a little less than a year later we were officially divorced. Divorce, although I realize that it does happen, is not something I wish for anyone. I’m the type of person that fully believes in “til death do us part.” But my fairy tale did not pan out how I envisioned it. I see now that it was for the best, it made me stop and think about everything in my life. I know that because of that experience I am a better person than I was a couple of years ago. I’m stronger, more loving, forgiving, honest, and not willing to settle!
I do have to say there is nothing that I regret about the years I spent married to my ex. We just didn’t work together. I don’t hate him; in fact I wish him all the best life can bring. I can look back and say that we did share some really great times. However, there were other times that were not so great. Everyone has their own idea of how they felt they were treated in a relationship, and those ideas may not always be the same between the two parties. Personally I never felt that I mattered, that nothing I did was ever good enough. And not that it was just him making me feel that way. I was very insecure; we all have our moments of feeling that way, right? I mean, I was married, I had my Bachelor’s degree, but I had no job. So to me it felt as if I wasn’t contributing to our “family.” For some reason, I was being overlooked and every attempt I made failed.
In the last fight my ex and I had, I was told that maybe I wasn’t finding work was because the only job I’ve had was in a dental office. But my thought was, “someone has to take a chance right?” I am definitely not a stay at home, let the man work type of girl. I wasn’t raised that way. I grew up watching my mother and father work, trying their best to provide for their family, and equally doing their part to make things work. I’ve always been taught that you rely on you; you don’t need someone else to “take care” of you, so to speak.
Back to my story, a month after we split up I got a call for an interview. Finally!!! That job, I got! It was nothing fancy, and in a world completely foreign to me. But I had a job, and I was going to do everything I could to keep it. So off to the land of retail I went. Not sure why I had never done retail, because after working there for a short time I realized that it fit me. I love connecting with people, and helping people. It made me happy to go to work and put a smile on someone’s face.
Fast forward to now, I’m still in retail and an assistant manager for another store. I love it, and my customers love me! Do I think I will be in retail for the rest of my life? Who knows? But I do know that I get to make other women feel good about themselves, and give them confidence. That is something that I struggled with for so long. I still have my moments, but I am a better person now than I have ever been in my entire life. Maybe it has to do with the people I have met over the past two years, or the relationships I’ve built and improved on, or maybe it is just me evolving.
However you look at it, I am grateful for everything that I’ve been through. I have laughed, cried, became weirder, dated, loved, and smiled more than I could ever imagine in the past two years. All of it has given me a deeper faith, taught me to love deeper and wholeheartedly, and to never…ever give up on myself! I know I will fall in love again, and finally have my happy ending. It’s not always going to be pretty and I may even get hurt again. But I do know that once I find my soul mate (yes, I believe in that), it is going to be the most terrifyingly beautiful experience of my life. Until then I’ll continue on my path. I know now that I was placed on this earth to help people. I don’t know in what context yet, but every day I am reminded that I can make a difference in someone’s life. And most times it only takes the tiniest of effort, even if it’s just a smile!
Until next time…