Dating! Yeah, that thing sucks, online dating especially! After you’ve been through the process and then start over, dating appears to be a whole new monster. It makes me feel like I’ve missed out the new and improved “Dating 101″ class. There are all new rules and guidelines. As if life isn’t busy, chaotic, or intense enough. But life and dating can be fun at the same time. I do feel that I grew up in the wrong era at times though. I just don’t fit with how kids these days handle dating, it is so nonchalant. Not to say that I don’t like to go with the flow, but the whole dating just to date thing gets old when you are almost 30! Once I decided to get back out and test the waters, and see what this new pool had to offer; it didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. I’m not 21, and if I wanted to survive I’d have to put on my game face.
It’s been over a year. Not only have I had personal experiences that would make you go “really? no way,” but my girl friends and I all share our horror stories with each other. So believe me when I say, it’s not getting any better. It’s treated as one big game, those who play the hardest win. I must say I have learned a lot in the past couple of years, so much that I could probably write a series about it…or maybe even a book.
But to sum things up, here are 10 things I have learned about dating:
- The state of our generation sucks! It not only sucks, but it’s kind of sad. No one talks, girls are showing off all their goods to the world, and guys…well I don’t even know where to begin. Everyone seems so quick to toss someone aside once they’ve had enough. Social media may have a little bit to do with that. There are so many websites for dating and “finding love” that there are now endless possibilities. So why should we try to work on a relationship, when we can just be done and find someone new once the times get tough.
- Communication does not exist. Communication comes in many different forms. There is email, which hardly ever happens. Also phone conversations, and those only happen with the people who remember what life was like before smart phones. Then there are text conversations. They can last all day off and on, and provide the greatest opportunity to misinterpret what the other person is saying. I don’t remember how many times I’ve been asked or have asked “what do you mean?” Sure, sending a text is easy but it’s not effective. I’ve found that no one shares how they are truly feeling anymore; we hide things, tell half-truths, or just don’t express ourselves at all. Because apparently speaking up and saying how we feel means that there is drama, and who wants that? Let’s just hang out and have fun!
- “What’s good?” I miss the days when phrases were simple like, bad, whatever, talk to the hand, and word. They were probably annoying at the time, but they didn’t want to make you do horrible/unspeakable things to the person using them. That phrase, “what’s good?” or even when “ma” is added to the end of it, really bugs me. For one, I’m not your ma; and I know you wouldn’t want me to treat you like a child. Is that an acceptable form of hello? I have never used it but I have received it so many times. It’s annoying! And if any men are reading this, please, STOP! Say hello, hi, hola, or just anything that’s not “what’s good?” Ok, maybe anything within reason. There are so many terms that make me feel as if this new generation is getting lazy, I refrained from saying dumb because that just sounds mean. *that’s my sarcasm kicking in* Terms like bae, yolo, thot (Google it), cray cray, ship, and any word where you replace a t for a d (ex. dat, doe, dis). Never mind, I’ll be mean, these are dumb!
- Take what you can get. So many people are willing to settle for any person that comes along, even if that person doesn’t truly make them happy. I’ve seen it, I’ve almost went down that path myself. It’s not that we don’t know what we want, but more about the fact that it takes time to find it. Let’s face it getting older sucks, and the dating pool starts to decrease as time passes. So once you hit a certain age fear starts to set in that you make never find true happiness, or even someone who deserves you and vice versa. Me on the other hand, I’m staying single until Mr. Right walks his amazing behind into my life.
- “He’s just not that into you.” Guilty! I hate to say I have done this to a few guys. Like the movie, when you’re dating you start to see it all come to life. You start to play phone tag, text tag, and then that turns into “I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy.” But when the person you’re replaced the first person with falls through you get the “hey stranger!” text, and that makes you think that maybe this person really is interested. Wrong, never ever trust anything said after that text. Or should I say, proceed with caution!
- Catch the Catfish. They are out there, lurking in plain sight. Dating website are full of them, we just don’t know it because they are pretending to be someone they are not. Catfishing is real, it happens more often than you would think. That Google reverse image search is a wonderful thing. Being a woman helps too, we can find out just about anything. If you get a sketchy vibe, try doing a search of their images,and ask for a “now” picture or video chat. If they are not on board, chances are they are lying. I can recall four times off the top of my head where I found men posing as a different person. Scary, be careful!
To the left, to the left. Has everyone heard of this lovely little app? Swipe right if you’re interested, and left if you’re not. If you match with each other, then you get to chat. Not that anyone does that anyway. Sometimes I play a game and just say yes to everyone. A little twisted, I know! But I only do it when I’m bored. No one I’ve matched with seems to take it seriously anyway. A majority of the guys I’ve met seem to use it to fulfill some “need,” or they are just vain and want to see how many girls they can match with. This one I’m filing under guilty pleasures, it’s an entertaining way to pass the time.
- “Let me take a selfie.”
Do you know how many years it has been since we’ve entered the digital age? Cell phones have had cameras on them for years. But there are some people out there who have not mastered the art of taking a selfie. First, how about we remove the phone from covering our face. Now, that face you are making that makes you look like an idiot; change that into a smile that actually shows your teeth. Use that facing camera to your advantage so that we can’t see how messy your place is. Please don’t flip off the camera, I don’t want to see your money, and stop posting your shirtless pictures. Because honestly the guy in the profile above you is a gym rat and he has a much better body than you do. What is it with guys taking pictures of half of their face, or an up close and personal “look up my nose” shot? I feel like I’m picking on the guys, but they are the worst. Girls are pretty bad too. Taking half naked pictures of their body in an explicit pose and expecting to be respected just isn’t going to cut it.
- Title exist…but only in the workplace. This one is short and sweet. Commitment doesn’t happen. It does, but it’s rare. Titles mean commitment, and commitment scares people.
- Open minded: Open relationship. What’s the point of dating someone regularly, if you don’t see it going anywhere? This ties into lack of commitment. I’ve never witnessed so many people accepting the idea of an open relationship, or being considered polyamorous more than I have in the past couple years. So you’re telling me you want me to be with you long-term, but you still want to date other people. Umm, no thanks. Call me selfish, but I like to know that when I give my all to someone that it will be reciprocated. It’s because I really care about them and they are the only one that will have my heart.
Whew! That was rough. I despise the idea of dating these days. But here I am still trucking along. I would rather have one person to come home to at the end of the day, but instead I get to deal with all of the fun drama. To those of you that are in a relationship I am happy for you! Soak it up, and don’t for a second say you miss anything about the single life. Sure it has its perks and fun moments, but as with anything it has a downside too. If you need some examples just scroll back up and read again!
Until next time…