Love Letter To The Broken Me

Hey all!

Goodness, lately it seems like I’ve been experiences all of these “ah-ha” life moments.  I sit back and think I’m starting to figure things out, and realize quickly that I’m not.  I a recurring thought that I am surrounded by so many amazing people, but I never sit back and think to include myself in that “amazing” category.  We tend to give the best advice to others, but never follow our own.  So I decided to write a love letter about everything I’ve wanted to tell the person that I should be taking care of the most, myself.  Many of these thoughts are things that I wish I would tell some of the people in my life, as well as myself.  If you only knew the people who I’m blessed to call friends.  I’m thankful, that’s all I can say.  Well, here goes nothing…

Hello Beautiful,

Who was the last person that called you that?  Here’s what I want you to do, wake up every morning and say it to yourself.  Maybe one day you’ll start to believe it.  You don’t need affirmation from anyone else.  If you accept you as you are now, no one will ever be able to break your confidence again!  Love yourself first, laugh, be wild and carefree.  You’ll start to shine and you’ll become this light that attracts all aspects of positivity.  Embrace it, because you deserve to be happy even if you think you don’t.  I know you weren’t expecting to make it to this point in your life.  Yes, there was that broken phase.  Part of you felt that those years you spent crying every other day had taken their toll on your soul.  But you are a rock, you put on a brave face for the world.

No one knew your secrets, no one knew you were unhappy.  Fake it ’til you make it, that was the anthem of your life.  Your struggle tore you down, and you put up walls to protect your well-being.  I know the reason you are so guarded is because you gave so much of yourself up to someone else.  I mean, you let them have it all, and they ripped it away from you.  That’s something you’ll never get back.  The person you were before does not exist anymore.  But you become a slightly altered version of yourself, and it’s up to you to dictate if the past is going to interfere with the future.  It only takes one person to screw you up, not just you, that person messes up things for any others you may date in the future as well.  But guess what?  You are still here!  Perfectly broken, yet you’ve managed to put the pieces back together quite nicely.

The strong, beautiful person I see now is truly a blessing that cannot be duplicated.  Constantly smiling and laughing so loud that it becomes contagious, it’s a stunning thing to watch.  One day you’ll be ready to give your all to someone again.  You may stumble or even fall down a few more times before you find your “soul mate.”  Don’t give up, and don’t hold back.  That will just prohibit you from fully experiencing what it’s like to truly be loved by another person.  When you find the person you were meant to be with it will be intoxicating.  Don’t fight it, fight for it, show them how you do it.  You are someone who loves unconditionally, honestly, and passionately.  Show them that, and when it’s returned don’t question it.  Continue your path and enjoy the ride.  I can’t wait to see what’s in store.



Until next time…


Inspire Others, I Challenge You…

Hey Y’all!

Happy New Year!  Yes, I can still say that since this is my first post of 2015.  To start the year off right, I have a challenge for you.  Ready?…Be Inspiring!  Sounds simple, right?  Not to put any pressure on you or anything, but did you know you have the power to change someones life?  Yeah, neither did I.  But then I started thinking, and seeing all of these little hints that made me realize that I needed to make this post.  If not to open someone else’s eyes, then it would be to open mine.  This all started with me watching an episode of Steve Harvey the other day.  There was a lot of emotional stuff packed into that episode, but it came down to how he has done everything in his life for his family.  Not to succeed for himself, but for them.  It made me think, at what point in our life do we begin to think about what is most beneficial for others and not ourselves.  Do any of us ever really make it to that point?  Which is why I’m challenging you.

Be somebody

I don’t know if I can speak for everyone, but it seems that we are all reaching for similar goals; we just have our own ways of achieving them.  We want the amazing career, the one that doesn’t feel like work but still pays well.  Most of us want a happy marriage, a beautiful family, great friends, and an awesome house.  But while we are busting our butts to make sure our dreams come true, we forget that not everyone has the same opportunity that we do.  For some it could be that their means don’t allow them, and others were just never motivated enough.  There are people who do not know what it means to feel support or kindness from a loved one.  A friend, what’s that?  And some may not know what it’s like to feel loved.


Luckily I’ve had a more pleasant upbringing than others.  Do I go around flaunting it?  No!  I don’t pretend to be perfect.  Yes, I make mistakes and I’m still a little broken; but I’m working on putting myself back together.  I know I’ve got a lot of myself to give.  I know can love deeper than I ever have, and I’m sure some of the best days of my life are still in the future.  So in the meantime, I try to make the most of what pieces I’ve picked up.  I use them to express myself, to write, to love, to hope, dream, laugh, cry, cuss (sorry mom), and to try my hardest to keep and open mind.  I do this because I know I’m not better than anyone.  Everyone has the same fragile life that can be taken away in a second.  I hope to one day make an impact, big or small, in another person’s life.  Something that will make them stop to think, and want to help someone else.  Take a deeper look next time you start to judge someone.  Do you know their circumstances?  If you don’t truly know their background, how can you make any conclusions.  That’s like writing a term paper without doing any research.  We should get the facts first, pause, and ask some questions.


Words say a lot, but actions back them up.  Be real, don’t just speak because it sounds good.  One nice gesture from you could change a person’s life.  It could stop them in their tracks and completely change the course that they were on.  I read a story the other day about a young man who was about to end his life.  But one conversation, and a kind gesture from another guy who was a stranger changed that.  We have the chance every time we step out of bed to be a role model to someone.  Don’t do it with the intention of making yourself feel better, do it for others.  Be selfless.  Do it so that one day that person will return the favor to someone else.  See how this works?  It’s a pay it forward situation, it’ll just keep repeating itself.  And maybe…we can change this amazingly beautiful, cruel world.

My parting words…Love with your whole heart, and never miss a chance to tell someone how you feel.

Until next time…


10 Things I Learned About Dating

Dating!  Yeah, that thing sucks, online dating especially!  After you’ve been through the process and then start over, dating appears to be a whole new monster.  It makes me feel like I’ve missed out the new and improved “Dating 101” class.  There are all new rules and guidelines.  As if life isn’t busy, chaotic, or intense enough.  But life and dating can be fun at the same time. I do feel that I grew up in the wrong era at times though.  I just don’t fit with how kids these days handle dating, it is so nonchalant.  Not to say that I don’t like to go with the flow, but the whole dating just to date thing gets old when you are almost 30!  Once I decided to get back out and test the waters, and see what this new pool had to offer; it didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.  I’m not 21, and if I wanted to survive I’d have to put on my game face.

It’s been over a year.  Not only have I had personal experiences that would make you go “really? no way,” but my girl friends and I all share our horror stories with each other.  So believe me when I say, it’s not getting any better.  It’s treated as one big game, those who play the hardest win.  I must say I have learned a lot in the past couple of years, so much that I could probably write a series about it…or maybe even a book.

But to sum things up, here are 10 things I have learned about dating:

10 dating

  1. The state of our generation sucks!  It not only sucks, but it’s kind of sad.  No one talks, girls are showing off all their goods to the world, and guys…well I don’t even know where to begin.  Everyone seems so quick to toss someone aside once they’ve had enough.  Social media may have a little bit to do with that.  There are so many websites for dating and “finding love” that there are now endless possibilities.  So why should we try to work on a relationship, when we can just be done and find someone new once the times get tough.
  2. Communication does not exist.  Communication comes in many different forms.  Tmisunderstandhere is email, which hardly ever happens.  Also phone conversations, and those only happen with the people who remember what life was like before smart phones.  Then there are text conversations.  They can last all day off and on, and provide the greatest opportunity to misinterpret what the other person is saying.  I don’t remember how many times I’ve been asked or have asked “what do you mean?”  Sure, sending a text is easy but it’s not effective.  I’ve found that no one shares how they are truly feeling anymore; we hide things, tell half-truths, or just don’t express ourselves at all.  Because apparently speaking up and saying how we feel means that there is drama, and who wants that?  Let’s just hang out and have fun!
  3. “What’s good?”  I miss the days when phrases were simple like, bad, whatever, talk to the hand, and word.  They were probably annoying at the time, but they didn’t want to make you do horrible/unspeakable things to the person using them.  That phrase, “what’s good?” or even when “ma” is added to the end of it, really bugs me.  For one, I’m not your ma; and I know you wouldn’t want me to treat you like a child.  Is that an acceptable form of hello?  I have never used it but I have received it so many times.  It’s annoying!  And if any men are reading this, please, STOP!  Say hello, hi, hola, or just anything that’s not “what’s good?”  Ok, maybe anything within reason.  There are so many terms that make me feel as if this new generation is getting lazy, I refrained from saying dumb because that just sounds mean. *that’s my sarcasm kicking in*  Terms like bae, yolo, thot (Google it), cray cray, ship, and any word where you replace a t for a d (ex. dat, doe, dis).  Never mind, I’ll be mean, these are dumb!
  4. Take what you can get.  So many people are willing to settle for any person that comes along, even if that person doesn’t truly make them happy.  I’ve seen it, I’ve almost went down that path myself.  It’s not that we don’t know what we want, but more about the fact that it takes time to find it.  Let’s face it getting older sucks, and the dating pool starts to decrease as time passes.  So once you hit a certain age fear starts to set in that you make never find true happiness, or even someone who deserves you and vice versa.  Me on the other hand, I’m staying single until Mr. Right walks his amazing behind into my life.
  5. “He’s just not that into you.”  Guilty!  I hate to say I have done this to a few guys.  Like the movie, when you’re dating you start to see it all come to life.  You start to play phone tag, text tag, and then that turns into “I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy.”  But when the person you’re replaced the first person with falls through you get the “hey stranger!” text, and that makes you think that maybe this person really is interested.  Wrong, never ever trust anything said after that text.  Or should I say, proceed with caution!
  6. Catch the Catfish.  hotterThey are out there, lurking in plain sight.  Dating website are full of them, we just don’t know it because they are pretending to be someone they are not.  Catfishing is real, it happens more often than you would think.  That Google reverse image search is a wonderful thing.  Being a woman helps too, we can find out just about anything.  If you get a sketchy vibe, try doing a search of their images,and ask for a “now” picture or video chat.  If they are not on board, chances are they are lying.  I can recall four times off the top of my head where I found men posing as a different person.  Scary, be careful!
  7. Tinder…  
    You see that? 75 matches, and have probably talked to 5 of them.

    You see that? 75 matches, and have probably talked to 5 of them.

    To the left, to the left.  Has everyone heard of this lovely little app?  Swipe right if you’re interested, and left if you’re not.  If you match with each other, then you get to chat.  Not that anyone does that anyway.  Sometimes I play a game and just say yes to everyone.  A little twisted, I know!  But I only do it when I’m bored.  No one I’ve matched with seems to take it seriously anyway.  A majority of the guys I’ve met seem to use it to fulfill some “need,” or they are just vain and want to see how many girls they can match with.  This one I’m filing under guilty pleasures, it’s an entertaining way to pass the time.

  8. “Let me take a selfie.”  
    It's a little out of control

    It’s a little out of control

    Do you know how many years it has been since we’ve entered the digital age?  Cell phones have had cameras on them for years.  But there are some people out there who have not mastered the art of taking a selfie.  First, how about we remove the phone from covering our face.  Now, that face you are making that makes you look like an idiot; change that into a smile that actually shows your teeth.  Use that facing camera to your advantage so that we can’t see how messy your place is.  Please don’t flip off the camera, I don’t want to see your money, and stop posting your shirtless pictures.  Because honestly the guy in the profile above you is a gym rat and he has a much better body than you do.  What is it with guys taking pictures of half of their face, or an up close and personal “look up my nose” shot?   I feel like I’m picking on the guys, but they are the worst.  Girls are pretty bad too.  Taking half naked pictures of their body in an explicit pose and expecting to be respected just isn’t going to cut it.

  9. Title exist…but only in the workplace.  This one is short and sweet.  Commitment doesn’t happen.  It does, but it’s rare.  Titles mean commitment, and commitment scares people.
  10. Open minded:  Open relationship.  What’s the point of dating someone regularly, if you don’t see it going anywhere?  This ties into lack of commitment.  I’ve never witnessed so many people accepting the idea of an open relationship, or being considered polyamorous more than I have in the past couple years.  So you’re telling me you want me to be with you long-term, but you still want to date other people.  Umm, no thanks.  Call me selfish, but I like to know that when I give my all to someone that it will be reciprocated.  It’s because I really care about them and they are the only one that will have my heart.

Whew!  That was rough.  I despise the idea of dating these days.  But here I am still trucking along.  I would rather have one person to come home to at the end of the day, but instead I get to deal with all of the fun drama.  To those of you that are in a relationship I am happy for you!  Soak it up, and don’t for a second say you miss anything about the single life.  Sure it has its perks and fun moments, but as with anything it has a downside too.  If you need some examples just scroll back up and read again!

Until next time…


Divorce sucks!

Have you ever really stopped, sat down and taken a hard…long look at your life?  Well, two years ago I had not.  At that time in my life, I had thoughts that I should be doing bigger and better things.  But I never did anything other than what I considered “safe.”  I think I’m finally starting to realize that some risks just have to be taken.

When I was a little girl I dreamed of living some sort of amazing life, filled with love, and of course the fairy tale ending.  Like most young girls, I wanted the big wedding and to be swept off my feet by an amazing man who would give me my happily ever after.  But my story did not go as planned.  My dreams ended about two years ago in August 2012.

Life happens.  Isn’t that a quote we’ve all heard?  Well, life happened to me.  It stuck its cold fingers deep into my chest and ripped my heart out without even blinking an eye.  Luckily though, I think it was trying to teach me some sort of lesson.  So “life” left my heart in a jar, and put it on an end table next to my front door.  After a few years of clawing and crawling, I made it to that table and have found the piece of me that’s been missing.  I wish I had a better story to tell you, maybe something crazy about how I traveled the world and experienced all these amazing feats.  But mostly it’s about heart-break, building stronger relationships, and self-growth.

In 2012 I separated from husband, and a little less than a year later we were officially divorced.  Divorce, although I realize that it does happen, is not something I wish for anyone.  I’m the type of person that fully believes in “til death do us part.”  But my fairy tale did not pan out how I envisioned it.  I see now that it was for the best, it made me stop and think about everything in my life.  I know that because of that experience I am a better person than I was a couple of years ago.  I’m stronger, more loving, forgiving, honest, and not willing to settle!

I do have to say there is nothing that I regret about the years I spent married to my ex.  We just didn’t work together.  I don’t hate him; in fact I wish him all the best life can bring.  I can look back and say that we did share some really great times.  However, there were other times that were not so great.  Everyone has their own idea of how they felt they were treated in a relationship, and those ideas may not always be the same between the two parties.  Personally I never felt that I mattered, that nothing I did was ever good enough.  And not that it was just him making me feel that way.  I was very insecure; we all have our moments of feeling that way, right?  I mean, I was married, I had my Bachelor’s degree, but I had no job.  So to me it felt as if I wasn’t contributing to our “family.”  For some reason, I was being overlooked and every attempt I made failed.

In the last fight my ex and I had, I was told that maybe I wasn’t finding work was because the only job I’ve had was in a dental office.  But my thought was, “someone has to take a chance right?”  I am definitely not a stay at home, let the man work type of girl.  I wasn’t raised that way.  I grew up watching my mother and father work, trying their best to provide for their family, and equally doing their part to make things work.  I’ve always been taught that you rely on you; you don’t need someone else to “take care” of you, so to speak.

Back to my story, a month after we split up I got a call for an interview.  Finally!!!  That job, I got!  It was nothing fancy, and in a world completely foreign to me.  But I had a job, and I was going to do everything I could to keep it.  So off to the land of retail I went.  Not sure why I had never done retail, because after working there for a short time I realized that it fit me.  I love connecting with people, and helping people.  It made me happy to go to work and put a smile on someone’s face.

Fast forward to now, I’m still in retail and an assistant manager for another store.  I love it, and my customers love me!  Do I think I will be in retail for the rest of my life?  Who knows? But I do know that I get to make other women feel good about themselves, and give them confidence.  That is something that I struggled with for so long.  I still have my moments, but I am a better person now than I have ever been in my entire life.  Maybe it has to do with the people I have met over the past two years, or the relationships I’ve built and improved on, or maybe it is just me evolving.

However you look at it, I am grateful for everything that I’ve been through.  I have laughed, cried, became weirder, dated, loved, and smiled more than I could ever imagine in the past two years.  All of it has given me a deeper faith, taught me to love deeper and wholeheartedly, and to never…ever give up on myself!  I know I will fall in love again, and finally have my happy ending.  It’s not always going to be pretty and I may even get hurt again.  But I do know that once I find my soul mate (yes, I believe in that), it is going to be the most terrifyingly beautiful experience of my life.  Until then I’ll continue on my path.  I know now that I was placed on this earth to help people.  I don’t know in what context yet, but every day I am reminded that I can make a difference in someone’s life.  And most times it only takes the tiniest of effort, even if it’s just a smile!

Until next time…