10 Things I Learned About Dating

Dating!  Yeah, that thing sucks, online dating especially!  After you’ve been through the process and then start over, dating appears to be a whole new monster.  It makes me feel like I’ve missed out the new and improved “Dating 101″ class.  There are all new rules and guidelines.  As if life isn’t busy, chaotic, or intense enough.  But life and dating can be fun at the same time. I do feel that I grew up in the wrong era at times though.  I just don’t fit with how kids these days handle dating, it is so nonchalant.  Not to say that I don’t like to go with the flow, but the whole dating just to date thing gets old when you are almost 30!  Once I decided to get back out and test the waters, and see what this new pool had to offer; it didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.  I’m not 21, and if I wanted to survive I’d have to put on my game face.

It’s been over a year.  Not only have I had personal experiences that would make you go “really? no way,” but my girl friends and I all share our horror stories with each other.  So believe me when I say, it’s not getting any better.  It’s treated as one big game, those who play the hardest win.  I must say I have learned a lot in the past couple of years, so much that I could probably write a series about it…or maybe even a book.

But to sum things up, here are 10 things I have learned about dating:

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  1. The state of our generation sucks!  It not only sucks, but it’s kind of sad.  No one talks, girls are showing off all their goods to the world, and guys…well I don’t even know where to begin.  Everyone seems so quick to toss someone aside once they’ve had enough.  Social media may have a little bit to do with that.  There are so many websites for dating and “finding love” that there are now endless possibilities.  So why should we try to work on a relationship, when we can just be done and find someone new once the times get tough.
  2. Communication does not exist.  Communication comes in many different forms.  Tmisunderstandhere is email, which hardly ever happens.  Also phone conversations, and those only happen with the people who remember what life was like before smart phones.  Then there are text conversations.  They can last all day off and on, and provide the greatest opportunity to misinterpret what the other person is saying.  I don’t remember how many times I’ve been asked or have asked “what do you mean?”  Sure, sending a text is easy but it’s not effective.  I’ve found that no one shares how they are truly feeling anymore; we hide things, tell half-truths, or just don’t express ourselves at all.  Because apparently speaking up and saying how we feel means that there is drama, and who wants that?  Let’s just hang out and have fun!
  3. “What’s good?”  I miss the days when phrases were simple like, bad, whatever, talk to the hand, and word.  They were probably annoying at the time, but they didn’t want to make you do horrible/unspeakable things to the person using them.  That phrase, “what’s good?” or even when “ma” is added to the end of it, really bugs me.  For one, I’m not your ma; and I know you wouldn’t want me to treat you like a child.  Is that an acceptable form of hello?  I have never used it but I have received it so many times.  It’s annoying!  And if any men are reading this, please, STOP!  Say hello, hi, hola, or just anything that’s not “what’s good?”  Ok, maybe anything within reason.  There are so many terms that make me feel as if this new generation is getting lazy, I refrained from saying dumb because that just sounds mean. *that’s my sarcasm kicking in*  Terms like bae, yolo, thot (Google it), cray cray, ship, and any word where you replace a t for a d (ex. dat, doe, dis).  Never mind, I’ll be mean, these are dumb!
  4. Take what you can get.  So many people are willing to settle for any person that comes along, even if that person doesn’t truly make them happy.  I’ve seen it, I’ve almost went down that path myself.  It’s not that we don’t know what we want, but more about the fact that it takes time to find it.  Let’s face it getting older sucks, and the dating pool starts to decrease as time passes.  So once you hit a certain age fear starts to set in that you make never find true happiness, or even someone who deserves you and vice versa.  Me on the other hand, I’m staying single until Mr. Right walks his amazing behind into my life.
  5. “He’s just not that into you.”  Guilty!  I hate to say I have done this to a few guys.  Like the movie, when you’re dating you start to see it all come to life.  You start to play phone tag, text tag, and then that turns into “I’m sorry, I’ve been really busy.”  But when the person you’re replaced the first person with falls through you get the “hey stranger!” text, and that makes you think that maybe this person really is interested.  Wrong, never ever trust anything said after that text.  Or should I say, proceed with caution!
  6. Catch the Catfish.  hotterThey are out there, lurking in plain sight.  Dating website are full of them, we just don’t know it because they are pretending to be someone they are not.  Catfishing is real, it happens more often than you would think.  That Google reverse image search is a wonderful thing.  Being a woman helps too, we can find out just about anything.  If you get a sketchy vibe, try doing a search of their images,and ask for a “now” picture or video chat.  If they are not on board, chances are they are lying.  I can recall four times off the top of my head where I found men posing as a different person.  Scary, be careful!
  7. Tinder…  
    You see that? 75 matches, and have probably talked to 5 of them.

    You see that? 75 matches, and have probably talked to 5 of them.

    To the left, to the left.  Has everyone heard of this lovely little app?  Swipe right if you’re interested, and left if you’re not.  If you match with each other, then you get to chat.  Not that anyone does that anyway.  Sometimes I play a game and just say yes to everyone.  A little twisted, I know!  But I only do it when I’m bored.  No one I’ve matched with seems to take it seriously anyway.  A majority of the guys I’ve met seem to use it to fulfill some “need,” or they are just vain and want to see how many girls they can match with.  This one I’m filing under guilty pleasures, it’s an entertaining way to pass the time.

  8. “Let me take a selfie.”  
    It's a little out of control

    It’s a little out of control

    Do you know how many years it has been since we’ve entered the digital age?  Cell phones have had cameras on them for years.  But there are some people out there who have not mastered the art of taking a selfie.  First, how about we remove the phone from covering our face.  Now, that face you are making that makes you look like an idiot; change that into a smile that actually shows your teeth.  Use that facing camera to your advantage so that we can’t see how messy your place is.  Please don’t flip off the camera, I don’t want to see your money, and stop posting your shirtless pictures.  Because honestly the guy in the profile above you is a gym rat and he has a much better body than you do.  What is it with guys taking pictures of half of their face, or an up close and personal “look up my nose” shot?   I feel like I’m picking on the guys, but they are the worst.  Girls are pretty bad too.  Taking half naked pictures of their body in an explicit pose and expecting to be respected just isn’t going to cut it.

  9. Title exist…but only in the workplace.  This one is short and sweet.  Commitment doesn’t happen.  It does, but it’s rare.  Titles mean commitment, and commitment scares people.
  10. Open minded:  Open relationship.  What’s the point of dating someone regularly, if you don’t see it going anywhere?  This ties into lack of commitment.  I’ve never witnessed so many people accepting the idea of an open relationship, or being considered polyamorous more than I have in the past couple years.  So you’re telling me you want me to be with you long-term, but you still want to date other people.  Umm, no thanks.  Call me selfish, but I like to know that when I give my all to someone that it will be reciprocated.  It’s because I really care about them and they are the only one that will have my heart.

Whew!  That was rough.  I despise the idea of dating these days.  But here I am still trucking along.  I would rather have one person to come home to at the end of the day, but instead I get to deal with all of the fun drama.  To those of you that are in a relationship I am happy for you!  Soak it up, and don’t for a second say you miss anything about the single life.  Sure it has its perks and fun moments, but as with anything it has a downside too.  If you need some examples just scroll back up and read again!

Until next time…

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Divorce sucks!

Have you ever really stopped, sat down and taken a hard…long look at your life?  Well, two years ago I had not.  At that time in my life, I had thoughts that I should be doing bigger and better things.  But I never did anything other than what I considered “safe.”  I think I’m finally starting to realize that some risks just have to be taken.

When I was a little girl I dreamed of living some sort of amazing life, filled with love, and of course the fairy tale ending.  Like most young girls, I wanted the big wedding and to be swept off my feet by an amazing man who would give me my happily ever after.  But my story did not go as planned.  My dreams ended about two years ago in August 2012.

Life happens.  Isn’t that a quote we’ve all heard?  Well, life happened to me.  It stuck its cold fingers deep into my chest and ripped my heart out without even blinking an eye.  Luckily though, I think it was trying to teach me some sort of lesson.  So “life” left my heart in a jar, and put it on an end table next to my front door.  After a few years of clawing and crawling, I made it to that table and have found the piece of me that’s been missing.  I wish I had a better story to tell you, maybe something crazy about how I traveled the world and experienced all these amazing feats.  But mostly it’s about heart-break, building stronger relationships, and self-growth.

In 2012 I separated from husband, and a little less than a year later we were officially divorced.  Divorce, although I realize that it does happen, is not something I wish for anyone.  I’m the type of person that fully believes in “til death do us part.”  But my fairy tale did not pan out how I envisioned it.  I see now that it was for the best, it made me stop and think about everything in my life.  I know that because of that experience I am a better person than I was a couple of years ago.  I’m stronger, more loving, forgiving, honest, and not willing to settle!

I do have to say there is nothing that I regret about the years I spent married to my ex.  We just didn’t work together.  I don’t hate him; in fact I wish him all the best life can bring.  I can look back and say that we did share some really great times.  However, there were other times that were not so great.  Everyone has their own idea of how they felt they were treated in a relationship, and those ideas may not always be the same between the two parties.  Personally I never felt that I mattered, that nothing I did was ever good enough.  And not that it was just him making me feel that way.  I was very insecure; we all have our moments of feeling that way, right?  I mean, I was married, I had my Bachelor’s degree, but I had no job.  So to me it felt as if I wasn’t contributing to our “family.”  For some reason, I was being overlooked and every attempt I made failed.

In the last fight my ex and I had, I was told that maybe I wasn’t finding work was because the only job I’ve had was in a dental office.  But my thought was, “someone has to take a chance right?”  I am definitely not a stay at home, let the man work type of girl.  I wasn’t raised that way.  I grew up watching my mother and father work, trying their best to provide for their family, and equally doing their part to make things work.  I’ve always been taught that you rely on you; you don’t need someone else to “take care” of you, so to speak.

Back to my story, a month after we split up I got a call for an interview.  Finally!!!  That job, I got!  It was nothing fancy, and in a world completely foreign to me.  But I had a job, and I was going to do everything I could to keep it.  So off to the land of retail I went.  Not sure why I had never done retail, because after working there for a short time I realized that it fit me.  I love connecting with people, and helping people.  It made me happy to go to work and put a smile on someone’s face.

Fast forward to now, I’m still in retail and an assistant manager for another store.  I love it, and my customers love me!  Do I think I will be in retail for the rest of my life?  Who knows? But I do know that I get to make other women feel good about themselves, and give them confidence.  That is something that I struggled with for so long.  I still have my moments, but I am a better person now than I have ever been in my entire life.  Maybe it has to do with the people I have met over the past two years, or the relationships I’ve built and improved on, or maybe it is just me evolving.

However you look at it, I am grateful for everything that I’ve been through.  I have laughed, cried, became weirder, dated, loved, and smiled more than I could ever imagine in the past two years.  All of it has given me a deeper faith, taught me to love deeper and wholeheartedly, and to never…ever give up on myself!  I know I will fall in love again, and finally have my happy ending.  It’s not always going to be pretty and I may even get hurt again.  But I do know that once I find my soul mate (yes, I believe in that), it is going to be the most terrifyingly beautiful experience of my life.  Until then I’ll continue on my path.  I know now that I was placed on this earth to help people.  I don’t know in what context yet, but every day I am reminded that I can make a difference in someone’s life.  And most times it only takes the tiniest of effort, even if it’s just a smile!

Until next time…

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Taking A Break

Hi all!

Usually I’ve never announced my small absences, but this time I felt it was needed. I may around elsewhere on the web, but due to some personal issues I need to take a break. I love my readers and I’m so thankful for you all who stop in to read. I will be back soon, and hopefully back with more recipes and DIY projects.

Thanks in advance for understanding.
Until next time…

Oh, How Pinteresting Wednesday! Summer Loving

Hi All!

It’s Wednesday, and time for “Oh, How Pinteresting  Wednesday” with Michelle over at The Vintage Apple.  I know I have been an awful blogger!  I missed blogging last week altogether.  But Pinteresting Wednesday is one of my favs, and tomorrow I’ll have an album review for singer/songwriter Nick Gill’s new album Waves Are Only Water.  As for today I thought I’d go with a summer loving theme, just a few things that remind me of summer.  Although I’m not loving this heat so much right now.  I love the fashion summer brings, the beach, the cold drinks, and good times.  But living in Cali, especially the area I’m in, the heat is no joke.  110 today with a low of 80, really?  I know some of you are in those humid states, and I feel for y’all!  Well enough about the heat, let’s get to those pins.

 

Summer Loving

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*this pin wasn’t linked to the correct post, so I put the correct source as my “source”*

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So that’s all the pins for this week.  I hope you’re enjoying summer so far, and staying cool!  Don’t forget to stop by The Vintage Apple and check out what others are pinning.  If you have a blog and Pinterest, head over to The Vintage Apple and link up!  You can find all my boards and pins here.  And if you need a invite let me know in a comment, and leave your email.

Until next time…